Don’t forget to tip your justice!
June 27, 2024
Another in a series of observations of life as I know it.
Officials who use their public positions for private gain threaten the integrity of our most important institutions. Greed makes governments—at every level—less responsive, less efficient, and less trustworthy from the perspective of the communities they serve.
-Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson
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Isn’t this rich? This, of course, would be SCOTUS attempting to distinguish between a bribe and a gratuity. The caustic mockery is thicker than molasses in January, as my Nana used to say. Yesterday, the high court set down its thoughts in the Snyder case. From my perch in the cheap seats, it seemed like a clear case of criminal bribery. The mayor of a town in Indiana, wink, wink, awarded a lucrative contract to a trucking company. Which then, in gratitude, handed Mr Mayor a check for $31,000. Wait, what?
I am still giggling over tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek nature of this case. Someone with a very fractured sense of humor directed a well fed fox directly into the hen house. Or petted a fat cat with feathers on its whiskers. This laughable legal tango went to a bunch of black robed guys who openly stand in public with their hands extended, palms up. Apparently the Supreme Court is where irony goes to die. At least the Chief Justice was wise enough to have Brewsky Brett write the decision instead of Clarence. Who frankly was too busy counting his loot to pen a concurrence. Whatever. Kavanaugh worked really hard to parse the difference between an outright bribe and a grateful gratuity. A holiday tip to the postal carrier was his example. Gorsuch chimed in with an equally lame definition of a gratuity to a government official that was so full of pretzel logic, I got lost. Which of course, was the point.
But now we have a legally sanctioned launch pad for buying government officials. From those who also have been bought. Lock, stock and barrel. The Supreme Court now offers end-of-term quid pro quo sessions for those who wish to express their thanks. They take Visa, AmEx, checks and cold, hard cash. Ginni Thomas sits discreetly in the front row with her purse open to receive all gratuities. Vacation vouchers, RV keys, airplane tickets and fishing gear can be handed to the clerk. Each justice has set up his own gift registry online in case you need assistance in choosing just the right present. And of course, gift cards are welcome. No amount is too large!
The Court signaled without any hint of embarrassment—except from Jackson, Kagan and Sotomayor—that it is open for business. As a thanks for good service, don’t forget to tip your waiter, er, justice. Y’all come back again! We love repeat customers!
