Double, double toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble…

August 12, 2023

Another in a series of observations of life as I know it.

The “law” in question is the new Parental Rights in Education Act, which prohibits teaching any content that is sexual in nature. Shakespeare’s work sometimes can include some “raunchiness,” as local English teacher Joseph Cool put it to the Tampa Bay Times, which means teaching it could open educators up to disciplinary measures if a parent were to file a complaint.

-Rolling Stone

What fools these mortals be!

-William Shakespeare 

~~~~~

I am so, well, there isn’t a word to describe my state of mind. But, each time that I hear Florida, I develop a tiny facial tic. It’s disconcerting because the name of that dreaded peninsula comes up approximately every 5 minutes on various news channels. Especially in reference to its Nancy Sinatra-esque, white-booted governor. Mini Orange Me. A tater tot of a man, diminutive in both stature and intellect. Why so harsh? Oh dear god, there aren’t enough hours in the day to fully cover the deficiencies of this little gremlin. There aren’t enough Ad Hominem barbs to go around. As Alice Roosevelt Longworth once quipped “if you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me”. Meow.

I can barely countenance the political confetti that clouds the airwaves, but I draw the line at Shakespeare. William Shakespeare, Bard of Stratford on Avon. A man without equal in the pantheon of English literature. So one might wonder why a graduate of both Harvard and Yale might wish to purge Good Will from Florida’s already semi-literate classrooms. The answer is quite simple. Even idiots can matriculate and graduate from the Ivy League, proving that these venerated institutions are no better and no worse than say, East Bejesus State College. You pays your money and takes your choice. Clearly Cambridge and New Haven gladly pocketed the nickels proffered by the rube from the swamps of the Everglades. His money was as green as any other. That’s about the extent of his bona fides. My dog Emmie, compared to Orange Mini Me, is a card carrying member of Mensa. (In actuality, she is a Summa Cum Laude graduate of obedience and agility training. She’s got cred).

Harvard and Yale, and for that matter East Bejesus State, offer courses in The Bard. Taught by professors with deep knowledge and years of study. And yet, here’s where Mini Me veers over the cliff. He has determined that Good Will Shakespeare is an eminent threat and danger to Florida’s nascent learners. Iambic pentameter? Sorry, the guv says no. Macbeth? Ditto. Twelfth Night? Oh no. There’s cross dressing and drag, heaven forfend. Danger, danger. Throw every edition into the Gulf. What’s next pray tell, my wicked Prince? Goodnight Moon. Madeleine. Heather has Two Mommies. Oops, sorry, that one is already floating in a Tallahassee dumpster. The King James Bible. There’s some racy stuff in the verses of the Song of Solomon. My point, of course, is that if Bill Shakespeare can be banned in Kissimmee, then nothing is sacred. The very essence of our native tongue is doomed to irrelevance. Soon enough our little students will only read text language, bitten off into short bites. I ❤️ U Ron! 😜 Florida State will soon offer a course in immersive Emoji. Hell, the teaching of written cursive handwriting has already disappeared. Why not Shakespeare? Oh let me count the ways! 

I spent decades toiling in the vineyards of the written/published word. To create great books is to fashion things that will reside forever in libraries worldwide. I am certain Will Shakespeare felt similarly when the first folios appeared in print. It is as close to eternity as our short lives allow.  So to have a man of such infinitesimal stature wave a plastic wand and remove Shakespeare from the classroom is dumbfounding. And immoral. Will lives! And shall remain for centuries yet to come. As for DeSantis his purse is nearly empty, his pride predicts a fall. And, my malevolent villain, hubris portends a sordid end. Shakespeare will yet have the last word. 

A plague on all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! (Henry IV Part I, 2.4.50)