You spell it Potatoe, Dan Quayle.
September 27, 2021
Another in a series of observations of life as I know it.
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
-Douglas Adams
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Idaho. One of those “I states” we rather parochial East Coasters hear about but are actually unclear as to their geography. What does your mind conjure up when confronted with Idaho? Anyone? Show of hands? Well, I immediately think of potatoes. French fried, baked, escalloped, tots, mashed. With butter, salt and possibly, in the fried form, ketchup. I am a purist however, so sauce of any kind, be it mayonnaise, gravy, vinegar or the aforementioned ketchup, will never touch my frites. Ever. If pressed, I might also dredge up glossy picture post cards of Sun Valley, Idaho, skiing playground of the wealthy and well-booted. People who wear insulated and elegant spandex and parkas that are not from LL Bean’s 2015 catalog. Other than food and frolic, I rarely dwell on Idaho. Perhaps that is failing of mine, and I own it. And yes, I need a map to know where Idaho is and where it falls in relation to the Great Divide. My bad.
Today however, Idaho is very much at top of mind. Let me preface this by saying that Idaho is a staunchly Red state. It has voted Republican since the last Ice Age. And you see, dear readers, there is the rub. The MAGA brand took hold in Idaho like a leech to unprotected skin. It is sucking the very life blood out of the spud state. I just watched a disturbing news clip of, wait for it, a school board meeting in Coeur d’Alene. A mob of blotchy, red faced people, mostly parents, without masks of course, chanted in unison “No More Masks”. It was chilling. It bore an uncanny resemblance to the book burning frenzy in 1930s Germany, with lots of blond Aryan youth standing on the sidelines in sheer awe. I know that I am spitting into the wind now, but, these same anti-maskers dutifully remove their shoes, pocket change, belts, and laptops as they pre-board at the airport. Most buckle their seat belts, and routinely renew their driver’s licenses. Obey speed limits. They vote. And pay taxes each year. In summary, they do as required by law and for the sake of their community. I fail to see the distinction regarding mask. What am I missing? And why?
Idaho also has almost run out of morgue space. As in, there is no longer room for a burgeoning backlog of corpses, the majority of which expired from Covid-19. I guess there is a caravan of 18 wheelers en route to Idaho, hauling refrigerated storage containers. This surely is not an auspicious time to be a funeral director. Or the medical examiner. What fresh hell is this? Are Idaho natives actively and collectively experiencing a fervent death wish? Sympathetic suicide? From where I sit in the cheap seats, it is a trifle macabre. Individuals are making decisions to court the grim reaper and not just for themselves. There are children and the elderly involved who are rarely consulted in the final analysis. Let’s be crystal clear here. You don’t just get to request a blindfold and a cigarette in your final hour. Your lung power will be so depleted, you couldn’t even light a cigarette. To say nothing of blowing up the ICU with a match near an oxygen tank. Covid is a terrible, wasting, suffocating demise. It is agonizing. You literally cannot pull enough air into your lungs. They are full of fluid and you are drowning in your own saliva. Tell me, honestly, why you want to go out this way. Since this involves school children, let me try to penetrate your logic. Or lack thereof. By eschewing masks, you are prepared to miss your child’s graduation. Or the joy of walking your son or daughter down the aisle. Perhaps you are ready to stand by as your 8 year old struggles for breath in a hospital hallway, because ICU space has evaporated. Maybe it’s okay to leave your kids orphaned, as other parents have done recently. Do you recognize a theme here?
Help! I really do not get it. Seriously, I don’t. The blatantly self-centered myopia is stunning. Science is, in the long run, merely dressed-up common sense. Unless you are from Idaho, where the Flat Earth theory is king. And the stork still delivers babies instead of the local OB-GYN. Fractured fairy tales are swallowed whole with a side of fries.
By the way, I wouldn’t give you two cents for a chalet in Sun Valley right now. And I tend to buy local, so my potatoes are from fields closer to home. So there.